Hi Reader,

Another week, another opportunity to quote Brad Stulberg—truly, it never gets old. This week we're talking about "non-dual thinking," which is a theme in his work:

Wanna hear more? Sign up for membership and come to our Fireside Chat with The Man Himself on August 1st!

In the meantime, enjoy this week’s edition of The Murmuration...

Each week, we share an applied tip or did-you-know to help you build knowledge and hone essential skills that help you kick butt at work and in life.

Leading Through Conflict

​The Myers-Briggs Company’s 2022 Conflict and Work study found that managers spend over 4 hours a week dealing with conflict on average—a statistic that makes the heart race for the conflict-avoidant among us. As a leader, imagine what you could achieve if you could reclaim that time. Imagine the heartburn you could avoid! Conflict resolution isn't just a soft skill—it's a critical competency that can make or break your effectiveness as a leader.

The Impact and Opportunity

Conflict resolution is the process of addressing disagreements or disputes in a way that satisfies all parties involved. It's not just about putting out fires; it's about turning potential disasters into opportunities for growth and innovation. The cost of unresolved conflicts can be staggering. Some sources say that managers spend up to 40% of their time dealing with workplace conflicts. Left unchecked, these disputes can tank productivity, crush morale, and drive good people out the door. Handled well, they can actually boost creativity, improve decision-making, and strengthen team bonds

Types of Conflict

Workplace conflicts typically fall into three categories, each requiring their own approach to resolution:

• Task-based conflicts (over work) often benefit from clear communication and collaborative problem-solving techniques like Edward de Bono's Six Thinking Hats.
• Interpersonal conflicts (personality clashes) might need more focus on emotional intelligence and relationship-building strategies like perspective taking.
• Value-based conflicts (over beliefs or ethics) can be the trickiest, often requiring deeper dialogue to find common ground or ways to respect differing viewpoints while still working effectively together.

By identifying the type of conflict you're dealing with, you can tailor your resolution strategy for better outcomes.

Conflict Styles

Understanding the conflict styles of the parties involved can also help adapt your approach. The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument identifies five conflict resolution styles:

• Competing: Assertive and uncooperative, pursue their own concerns at the other person's expense.
• Accommodating: Unassertive and cooperative, neglect their own concerns to satisfy the other person's.
• Avoiding: Unassertive and uncooperative, sidestep the conflict without addressing it.
• Collaborating: Both assertive and cooperative, work with the other party to find a solution that fully satisfies both parties.
• Compromising: Intermediate in both assertiveness and cooperativeness, seek a mutually acceptable solution that partially satisfies both parties.

Here’s a free version of the assessment. Hey, what do you know…I’m 92% Avoider LOL.

Managing Conflict

As a leader, your role isn't to take sides, but to act as a mediator. This requires a healthy dose of emotional intelligence, active listening, de-escalation techniques, and win-win problem-solving.

There are a few pieces of advice that come up over-and-over again in the literature on conflict resolution:

• Create a safe space for discussion. Choose a neutral, private location and set ground rules for respectful communication. Consider starting with a brief icebreaker to ease tension and remind everyone of their shared humanity.
• Listen to all sides without judgment. Practice active listening, using techniques like paraphrasing and asking clarifying questions. Encourage each party to express their perspective fully before moving on, and acknowledge their feelings without taking sides.
• Identify common ground and shared goals. Look for areas of agreement, no matter how small, and highlight them. Ask questions that focus on mutual interests, such as "What outcome would benefit both of you?" to shift the conversation towards collaboration.
• Brainstorm solutions together. Use techniques like round-robin brainstorming or mind mapping to generate a wide range of potential solutions. Encourage creativity and temporarily suspend judgment to allow for out-of-the-box thinking.
• Agree on a path forward and follow up regularly. Collaboratively choose the best solution and create a detailed action plan with clear responsibilities and timelines. Schedule check-ins to monitor progress and address any new issues that arise, adjusting the plan as needed.
• Document the resolution. Write down the agreed-upon solution and action steps, and share this document with all involved parties. This creates accountability and provides a reference point for future follow-ups.
• Reflect and learn. After the conflict is resolved, take time to reflect on the process and identify lessons learned. Consider sharing these insights (while maintaining confidentiality) with your team to build a culture of constructive conflict resolution.

Remember to consider cultural differences that might influence how individuals approach conflict. And don't hesitate to involve HR or seek external help for complex or sensitive situations.

Finally, try reframing conflict as an opportunity. Well-managed conflicts can lead to better decisions, increased innovation, and stronger team bonds. As authors Kenneth Cloke and Joan Goldsmith say, "Every conflict we face in life is rich with positive and negative potential. It can be a source of inspiration, enlightenment, learning, transformation, and growth-or rage, fear, shame, entrapment, and resistance. The choice is not up to our opponents, but to us, and our willingness to face and work through them."

Mastering conflict resolution isn't just about keeping the peace—it's about creating an environment where diverse ideas can flourish, driving your team and organization to new heights. By approaching disagreements with empathy and openness, you can transform those 4+ hours a week from stress-inducing firefighting to opportunities for growth. So the next time you face a workplace dispute, take a deep breath and remember: this isn't just a problem to solve, it's a chance to lead. Your future self (and your stress levels) will thank you for it.

Each week, we touch on an aspect of happiness and health at work, how to build it, and how to drive positive change in the workplace.

Embrace Non-dual Thinking

Ever felt stuck between a rock and a hard place at work? You're not alone. But what if the solution isn't choosing one or the other, but embracing both? Welcome to the world of non-dual thinking.

The Trap of All-or-Nothing Thinking

Picture this: You're leading a team project, and you're torn between pushing for a tight deadline or allowing more time for quality checks. Or maybe you've been debating whether to be a firm, authoritative leader or a supportive, nurturing one. When you get stuck thinking you must choose one or the other, you've fallen into the trap of all-or-nothing thinking—something often linked to anxiety and low mood.

Happier, healthier leaders instead embrace non-dual thinking, a concept with roots in Eastern philosophy that's gaining traction in modern workplaces. In fact, it features prominently in upcoming speaker Brad Stulberg’s latest book Master of Change.

What is Non-dual Thinking?

Non-dual thinking, or the ability to hold seemingly contradictory ideas simultaneously, is a practical skill that can boost your cognitive flexibility and resilience at work. As F. Scott Fitzgerald put it, "The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function."

In the project scenario, non-dual thinking might lead you to create a phased delivery approach, maintaining urgency while incorporating quality checks. For leadership style, it could mean adapting your approach based on the situation and individual team members' needs, rather than boxing yourself into a single style.

Building Resilience and Anti-fragility

Non-dual thinking aligns closely with two powerful concepts in resilience and adaptability: Tal Ben-Shahar's "Resilience 2.0" and Nassim Taleb's "anti-fragility."

Ben-Shahar's Resilience 2.0 goes beyond the traditional idea of simply bouncing back from adversity. Instead, it's about using challenges as opportunities for growth and transformation. This ties directly into non-dual thinking—instead of seeing a situation as either a problem or an opportunity, we can view it as both simultaneously.

Similarly, Taleb's concept of anti-fragility describes systems that don't just withstand stress and uncertainty, but actually improve because of it. In the workplace, adopting non-dual thinking can make you "anti-fragile." By embracing paradoxes and contradictions, you become more adaptable and creative in the face of complex challenges.

Both these concepts encourage us to move beyond simple either/or thinking. They show us that by holding multiple perspectives simultaneously—a key aspect of non-dual thinking—we can turn potential setbacks into stepping stones for growth and innovation.

How to Practice Non-dual thinking

But how exactly can you practice non-dual thinking? Here are a few practical tips to get you started:

• Pause before judging: When faced with a problem, resist the urge to immediately categorize it as good or bad. Instead, consider multiple perspectives.
• Embrace the "and": Replace "either/or" with "both/and" in your thinking. For example, a project can be both challenging and exciting.
• Practice mindfulness: Regular mindfulness exercises can enhance your cognitive flexibility, making it easier to hold multiple viewpoints.
• Seek out diverse opinions: Actively engage with colleagues who think differently from you. This can help broaden your perspective.

The Power of Both/And

Remember, non-dual thinking isn't about being wishy-washy or indecisive. It's about expanding your mental toolkit to handle complex situations more effectively. By embracing paradoxes and developing cognitive flexibility, you're not just solving today's problems - you're preparing yourself for whatever challenges tomorrow may bring.

So next time you're faced with a seemingly impossible choice at work, take a step back. The answer might not be either/or, but both/and. Your newfound cognitive flexibility might just be the key to unlocking new solutions and thriving in your role.

Each week, we collect a few great reads from a variety of disciplines to help you forge new connections and gain fresh perspectives.

• ​How a brush with death shaped my long game (Big Think). A poignant intro to the author’s new column The Long Game about people and businesses who have achieved extraordinary things over the long-term.
• ​7 Ways to Weave Mindfulness into Your Workday (HBR). Lots of people tell you to be mindful (myself included)...this article gives you concrete examples of how to do it.
• ​Leaders don’t really care about employee engagement. Here’s why (Fast Company). A leadership expert explains why employee well-being is more important than employee engagement.
• ​How Game Designers Secretly Run Your Life (Scientific American). Why understanding the rules of the games we play—deliberately or not—is important.
• ​The Quiet Magic of Middle Managers (The New York Times). “The democratic fabric is held together by daily acts of consideration that middle managers are in a position to practice and foster.”

Each week, we highlight some of the great things going on across the Starling community. Members can click on any of the links below to explore further.

• Last Thursday, Jess Martin shared practical advice on how to manage a team through change. I found the way she overlaid the Kubler Ross Change Curve with the ADKAR model super insightful.
• Last Friday, resident birder Andrea shared the genesis of the term "Community Weaver" (what we call our moderators)...it's a nod to the sociable weaver bird, known for constructing gigantic communal nests!
• Coming up this Thursday: GAMES NIGHT!!! Join us with host Clea to play a few rounds of Jackbox (remember that from pandemic? So fun!!)

Given that you made it this far, we felt you ought to be rewarded with one of Jeff’s Famous Dad Jokes:

Rachel & The Starling Team